....even at the last, Chad was fighting to stay.....he didn't want me to be sad.....now I'm the one who's inconsolable.
...this page is a poor effort in sharing my memories for all the unconditional love Chad gave to me.....perhaps, in time....as the hurt eases....I will be able to share more of the happy things about his time on this earth......please be patient.....time helps.....
.....although it's been over 3 years since Bandit passed & Chad tested positive....there has not been a day since that I don't think about them, all of them.....
.....that's why that poem touched me so much....."May I Go?"....(see below)....
I never told anyone before.....but Chad died in my arms, as I told him it was ok to go to his peace with no pain......and he roared once in defiance to death.....then he was gone....to a better place, I'm sure.....
...that is part of why his page is not yet finished....guess I haven't dealt with it yet.....nor my Father's passing....nor losing a lot of my other pets so quickly in that year and a half.....
Time heals......thank goodness.....a new career and great friends really helps...
.....The FeLV virus struck this household without warning and took half of my personal pets.... my two best friends, within a month....and then it disappeared.....it just lies in wait for more innocent victims. I never know who or when next....for now, I just have to think that God likes sweet kitties too....and He wanted mine....I'm sure they're curled up on his bed, just like they used to on mine....and they probably get more kitty treats up there, anyway.....after all, it is Heaven.....
....for now, I'll leave you with my favorite picture of my buddy.....my "Chadderball"......in his favorite position.....
2/95-3/16/98
....Why did you have to leave so soon?
......toll of my friends taken by FeLV to date:
Harley... Jan. 12, 1998
Bandit... Feb. 16, 1998
Chad ... Mar. 16, 1998
Strawberry... Apr. 20, 1998
Dice... Sept. 8, 1998
Amadeus... Dec. 10, 1998
Kit.... July 1, 1999
Chap... August 2, 1999
Fanci... April 1, 2000
I'm afraid it's starting all over again......
It is.....
Inky... June 1, 2001
Dear Lord, when will this end ?
May I go now?
Do you think the time is right?
May I say goodbye to pain filled days
and endless hurting nights?
I've lived my life and done my best,
an example tried to be.
So I can take that step beyond
and set my spirit free?
I didn't want to go at first,
I fought with all my might.
But something seems to draw me now
to a warm and living light.
I want to go I really do.
It's difficult to stay.
But I will try as best I can
to live just one more day.
To give you time to care for me
and share your love and fears.
I know you're sad and afraid,
because I see your tears.
I'll not be far, I promise that
, and hope you'll always know
that my spirit will be close to you
wherever you may go.
Thank you for loving me.
You know I love you too,
that's why it's hard to say goodbye
and end this life with you.
So hold me now just one more time
and let me hear you say,
because you care so much for me,
you'll let me go today.
~Susan A. Jackson~
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